The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 67

“It’s not a proper fairy tale,” she said. “It’s got to have seven sisters turned into swans or a baby stolen by goblins or plump children eaten by a witch.”

He gasped. “That’s horrible!”

“That’s the point. Something bad has to happen so you appreciate the good. You can’t very well turn people back into people if they haven’t first been turned into something else.”

“You’re saying a story where people are people the whole way through, and little babies stay put, and children don’t get eaten… Those aren’t happy stories?”

“Happy, maybe. Good? No.”

“I think I know who the monster is in this story right here.”

“What?”

“Baby-stealing child-eater!”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Fear not citizens! I won’t allow this fiend to replace your happy stories with good ones!”

“Fine, you win,” she hissed.

The cafe carefully ignored them.

“Heroism is a thankless job,” he said.

“Just stop.”